What Men Really Talk About Behind Women's Backs

January 17, 2020


Do you and your friends spend Saturday nights sipping red wine and sharing stories about how the men in your life have no idea how to deal with their emotions? 

Maybe you don’t understand why men can’t stand speaking about their feelings for longer than three minutes...but will spend hours talking about sports, going into detail about players’ personal scores and why their favorite team is going to crush it in the finals. 

Throughout my decade of researching behaviors between women and men, there’s one thing that stands out that women fail to understand about men.

Women think that because men hate talking about their feelings they have no idea what is going on in their relationship or can’t place how they feel about the women they are dating. 

This is wrong – and I’m going to show you why. 

Why This Knowledge Is Vital 

In this article, I’m going to reveal exactly what men talk about behind women’s backs. I’ll tell you what they think about certain types of women, things they find sexy, and complete turn-offs. 

This is going to help you think from a man’s perspective – and be able to use this knowledge as a powerful tool to attract a high-quality man (or if you’re already in a relationship, give you a better understanding of your partner). 

Let’s dive into some of the shocking and scandalous things men are saying – and never telling you about. 

Secret Number One 

“She wants all of my time...which makes me like her less.” 

Sometimes when we first start dating someone we really like, we find ourselves wanting to spend as much time with them as possible. This may seem natural, and I get it, you feel really good around the man you are dating and want to soak up that feeling.  But when you try to take ownership of his time...that’s when it becomes a problem.

For example, let’s say a woman asks her boyfriend if he wants to go on a date on Friday. He says he can’t because he has a plan with the boys. She makes a disappointed face, “Oh okay...let me know when you can pencil me in” she responds half-jokingly. This a common conversation between a woman and a man at some point when they are dating. 

When a woman feels comfortable with a man, she has no problem calling him out about how he should want to be with her more often (even if that means giving up on seeing his friends or doing things he likes). Sometimes a man can feel like if he doesn’t spend every second with her, he can’t win.

There is nothing worse for a man than feeling like no matter what he does, you’re still disappointed in him. This type of behavior can be problematic because he will start to see you as needy – and neediness is a huge turn off for men. 

Now, think about what happens when you put a wild animal in a cage. It fights like hell to escape… 

Whether you have been dating casually for a few weeks or he’s been your boyfriend for months or years, no high-quality man wants to feel like he is the center of a woman’s universe. If you tell a man you were waiting around at home for him to text or call and ask you to hang out, he is immediately going to see that as a red flag. 

Men want a woman who does her own thing, has her own life, and doesn’t NEED him to be happy. He wants someone who…

1. Is secure with herself. 

2. Wants him to enjoy the things he likes to do that don’t include her. 

So, how can you avoid being needy and make a man want you even more?

Choose a health, financial, or skill-based goal and take disciplined action to achieve it. This could mean going to your favorite work out class four times a week, going for a run every morning before work (without making excuses), or finally committing to taking those salsa dancing classes you’ve been kicking yourself to do for years. 

How would this make a man desire you?

Well, when we’re overcoming challenges through disciplined action, we are at our peak self-confidence.  Performing a disciplined action will give you a strong, self-confident energy as well as magnetic attraction. 

Naturally, humans are drawn towards disciplined people. 

Men want to become Steve Jobs...but they want to marry J-Lo. Someone sexy, smart, and confident – now that is the ultimate package. 

Secret Number Two

“She won’t shut up. Can I get some peace and quiet...ever?” 

Some women like to talk a lot more than men. That’s how they feel connected and express their emotions.

But what those women don’t understand is that as men, we feel like we can spend quality time together without talking. 

Let me give you an example. My wife and I went out to dinner with our friends who are a married couple. We asked about a recent trip they took to Mexico. The woman in the relationship gushed about the time they spent snorkeling together, walking through the colorful towns, and sharing delicious meals. 

What did the man say his favorite part was? Watching the sunset on the beach with her while a local played the guitar and sang a beautiful song in Spanish. Do you see the difference here? The man felt as though he enjoyed quality time with his wife - without even talking to her. The act of simply being together while doing something else is satisfying for men.

If you live with your boyfriend or husband, don’t be insulted if he just wants  to relax and unwind by zoning out in front of the TV after work. Call up a friend if you need to chat during these moments. Letting him do his own thing will make him love you even more. 

Constantly wanting to have deep talks about your feelings can be a turn-off for men...which brings us to our next secret. 

Secret Number Three 

“She wants me to talk about my emotions. She’s trying to change me. Good luck with that.” 

As we discussed earlier, men aren’t big fans of talking about their emotions. 

One of my friends, let’s call him David, was telling me about the girl he was dating. David is a smart guy with a great job. He has his life together. Then enters the woman he is dating, Rebecca. Rebecca and him got along well at first and were having a good time. Then after three months of fun dates and steamy hookups, Rebecca slammed the breaks with the F word. “Feelings.” 

She kept trying to get him to talk about his feelings more and more. And what did David think about it? He told me, “She wants me to talk about my feelings all the time. I don’t get it. I can handle my problems myself.”

Although Rebecca was trying to help David by getting him to express his emotions, he felt like it was an attack on his ability to take care of his problems on his own. He didn’t just see it as a turn-off, he found it offensive that she was trying to change the method he always used to solve his problems. The result? He became even more closed off to her. 

I’m not saying this is mature or the best way to approach this.  However, I know David is a truly great guy.  It’s just a fact that a lot of men have no desire to discuss their feelings.

When a woman tries to get a man to open up about his feelings, he may feel as though she is trying to change him. 

How would you feel if your partner was picking apart how you went about expressing your emotions? Would you like it if he said, “Babe, you would be a lot better off if you just solved your own problems instead of talking to all of your girlfriends about it.” You’d find it offensive, the same way he finds you giving him unsolicited advice about how he handles his emotions to be offensive.  

Trying to get a man to constantly talk about emotions makes him feel like you are trying to control him.

No one wants to feel like their partner isn’t happy with who they are. To you, talking about your feelings with your partner feels open and intimate. But if he doesn’t feel that way, and you still try to get him to talk about his feelings all the time, you are no longer respecting his boundaries. You don’t want your partner to feel like you are trying to control or change him – it will make him more distant. 

If you feel like the man in your life isn’t meeting your needs, pull back a bit and don’t say a word. Like magic, your inaction will drive him to action. Once he notices something is up and asks what is wrong, tell him in a short, straight-to-the-point way. 

Your way of handling problems without drama will make him respect you and be more attentive to how you feel. Obviously, this strategy isn’t ideal all of the time.  You may need to be open, honest and transparent with your partner when an issue pops up. However, if your current strategy of talking it out isn’t working, try to take a step back and wait.

Maybe just the act of pausing will reveal more clarity, allow your emotions to settle and will help to guide you to a more empathetic solution.

Secret Number Four 

“She isn’t jumping at every chance to hang out with me. Why doesn’t she want me? It makes me want her more.”

Have you ever heard the phrase, “You want something you can’t have?” That’s exactly how men feel when it comes to going after a woman.

High-quality men are used to women liking them. Women want to date them, and as you heard earlier, most women want to start taking up all their time after they have been dating for a while. So, if you act differently than other women...suddenly, a man won’t be able to get you out of his head. 

In the past, one of my friends, Matthew, was considered quite the ladies man. He is a very attractive, charming guy who even had women asking him out. He often dated a woman for a month or two, during which time she would be obsessed with him, and then he would drop them and move on to the next one. This went on for years - until he met Jess. 

When he first got Jess’s number through a mutual friend, she would casually respond when she felt like it. When they hung out, they would have an amazing time together…and she wouldn’t be rushing to see him again the next day or calling him all the time asking what he was up to. She would see him when it was convenient for her. And in the meantime? She kept living her fun, social life. It drove Matthew crazy. 

He couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t acting like the other women he dated. He saw her differently...and this is what made him treat her differently. He had to be the best possible version of himself to make a woman like her want to be with him. Fifteen years, one wedding, and three kids later, Jess still keeps him on his toes. And it’s one of his favorite things about her.

What do men find really sexy? A woman who can have fun without them. A smart, successful man expects a woman to bring her own great qualities to the table. You need to be confident and interesting – and show that you have a life EVERY DAY that doesn’t revolve around him.

When you are radiating with confidence and having a good time without him, you are sending a clear signal to him that you don’t need him. Remember, men want a woman who loves them but not a woman who needs them. He wants an equal partner – not someone who he feels is like a child that he has to constantly entertain and take care of. 

Secret Number Five

“She didn’t care about what I thought of her. It was so sexy.” 

I’m going to start by telling the story where this exact quote comes from. I was talking to a family friend recently who went on a first date with a woman he met at a networking event. They went out for big burgers, fries, and milkshakes. 

Although they had great conversation and he was connected to her magnetic personality, something else caught his attention: she finished her entire, giant burger before he did. She wasn’t sloppy about it. But unlike other women, she simply didn’t care what he thought. In a culture that’s obsessed with looks and getting the perfect picture, a way for you to stand out among other women is to be confident in who you are. 

Confidence exudes in little things that you might not even notice - but will definitely catch a man’s attention. 

Now, let’s review the types of behavior men find attractive:

  1. A woman who doesn’t try to control how he spends his time.
  2. A woman who can appreciate time together without needing to talk constantly.  
  3. A woman who lets him express his emotions how and when he wants.
  4. A woman who knows how to have fun without him.
  5. A woman who loves herself – and doesn’t care how people perceive her because she knows she is amazing. 

In Conclusion

Now that you know what men talk about behind women’s backs, you can use this insider knowledge to attract a high-quality man or have a better understanding of what your partner needs to be fulfilled. 

Imagine if you applied these tips with the man you are dating. You cool down and let him do his own thing - and show that you are a smart, successful woman who doesn’t need him to have a good time. You don’t pressure him to be anyone but who he is - and he loves you for it. 

A few months from now, he will tell his friends, “Wow, she is unlike any girl I have ever met. She is so fun, exciting, and calm. She acts like a woman, but she thinks like a man. I have so much respect for her - I think I could see myself with her forever.” 

You deserve to have a man who loves you this way and wants to commit to you long-term. I know if you’ve landed on my website, you are a smart, ambitious woman who wants to learn more about how men think to be able to see things from their perspective.

If you found this advice helpful and want to access my more advanced, premium advice that’s only available to my private clients, click here to learn more. You’ll get an exclusive look at my step-by-step attraction system that will help you meet a high-quality man fast.

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