What He's Thinking When He Ignores You

September 2, 2020

What He's Thinking When He Ignores You 

So you've been dating a guy who seems very interested. That's awesome! Then all of a sudden, he starts ignoring you out of nowhere. This may make you feel anxious and don't know what to do. 

There might have been a lot of emotional investment in the beginning. Now you might be freaking out because of it. 

I am going to walk you through five different reasons that a man might ignore you.You'll also learn what you should do in each of these situations.

Find out which of these situations fits yours, and what you could possibly do about it. 

#1 - He Doesn't Value You

Unfortunately, one of the biggest and simplest reasons he does this is because he doesn't value you. 

Now, if he doesn't value you, he's not making mistakes or doing things wrong. He's simply not investing any time or energy into the relationship.

What do you do if you're still attracted to this guy? When you  think about him and like him, you'll want to know what to do to attract him so you give him more of your attention.

This can contribute him not being attracted to you. 

If a man isn't investing in you and you still give him the time of day. You  let him know you're still interested. You keep the door open for him. This basically shows that you are allowing yourself to be treated with less than optimal behavior. 

The Woman is in Control

In many ways, you as a woman train the man on how to treat you. This means you let him know what you accept and what you don't accept. Tell him what your boundaries are. 

If he's not investing in you then he's not valuing you. If you're still thinking about him after this, it basically shows that you do not have other options that are better. 

The length of the relationship, long or short, doesn’t matter to him. He truly has to value you and it's so important that you value yourself. You should never even consider being with a man who didn't treat you with a ton of value. 

Think about a woman that you value the most. What types of character traits does she have?

Start to practice these same character traits yourself. If you respect this woman so much because she's accomplished, ask yourself, what does that mean for me to be accomplished?

What would I have to do? Start living that way.

Maybe you appreciate her because she's so loving or giving or strong. Whatever those character traits are, focus on those. The more that you can do that, the more that you will begin to feel that self-love. 

#2 - He Thinks You're Crazy

Men say this all the time. You'd be surprised by how many men say this about women they've been with. Listen, at the end of the day, if a guy calls you crazy, he is not worth pursuing. You don't want to be with someone who's going to call you names. 

Maybe what you did was out of fear, excitement or whatever and it wasn't something you normally do. After you did it though, it messed up your relationship and he started ignoring you. 

What Happened?

This is a good opportunity to ask yourself what happened. Don't look at the specific situation again. Look at the character trait that you exhibit during that experience. Now think about the opposite. 

Maybe you were impulsive? Maybe you overreacted? 

Consider it planned and see how you can develop those character traits. What can I do today to be more thoughtful?

What can I do to be more considerate? What can I do to be slower to react?

How can I slow my reaction time thinking about these things and developing them and practicing them? These are the best ways to develop your personal character. 

Even if you didn't do anything and a guy just thinks you're crazy and it has nothing to do with you, it's still a good opportunity to ask yourself those questions. That's really the only positive thing you can do in a situation like that 

#3 - He's Intimidated by You 

Many women think they are too intimidating.

If a man is intimidated by you simply because of your achievements and says goodbye or ignores you, you don't need him. That is not the kind of guy you want or deserve to be with. 

You want someone who is going to magnify your light, who's going to appreciate your light, and respect that about you at the same time. 

Look at this as an opportunity to look at yourself because oftentimes it's not actually intimidation. It's actually that some dominant or aggressive character traits are coming out through your behavior. 

Try This Instead

Something simple that you can do, even if you're uncertain if you've done anything dominant or aggressive or intimidating is to simply speak less. Even if you're not overly dominant and it's his issue, it has nothing to do with you. 

It's still a great rule to live by: to spend more time trying to understand others than being understood. 

For us extroverts it's challenging, especially when you're excited. However, if you're getting feedback that you're intimidating, one of the best things that you can focus on is listening more. 

You can even start speaking more gently with a softer tone. Sometimes when we get excited, we can be loud and don't even realize it.

That can be intimidating, especially from a man who might not be used to that kind of energy from a partner. This exercise can help you calm that energy a little bit. 

#4 - He's Got a Lot Going on 

Maybe he tells you he has a lot going on in his life right now. He's got things going on at work, with his family, with traveling, or anything else. It's key to listen to him. Sometimes he might be ignoring you because of this. He might not even tell you why, but this might be why. 

Don’t Take it Personally

First, don't take it personally if this is the case. There is no need to get upset about it. 

Don’t Force It

Second, don't try to push a square peg into a round hole. If he doesn't have the time to invest in you, then it goes back to point one, value. 

Say, if he received a phone call today that said to fly to Alaska tonight and he will get a briefcase filled with two million dollars cash. I guarantee you he's gonna find a way to rearrange his schedule to fly out to Alaska and grab that two mil. Because he values that two million dollars enough to interrupt his day. 

If he doesn’t value you enough to call, make an effort, or give you time, then he values him, not you.

What if it's Sporadic?

What if he's reaching out to you and trying to keep a relationship just a sporadic one or seeing you every once in a while?

Say, "hey listen, you know I appreciate that you got a lot of life going on and I think you're a great person, I’m just looking for something a little bit more. I'm looking for someone with more availability for a relationship." 

If he comes up with excuse after excuse, you don't have to argue with him.

You could say, "listen I think you're a great guy and I would love to see you, just you. If you had time. It sounds like now is not a good time but if things change in the future and you 've got more open time then I'd love to you know go on a coffee date if I'm still available." 

I implore you not to invest or give time or stop dating simply because a man is telling you that he's interested. If he's not investing the time because of a lot of life, it's the same thing as not valuing you just let him go kindly.

You don't have to tell him off for not investing enough time. You could just let him know it's just not a good fit for right now and keep the door open for maybe another time. 

#5 - The Unknown 

If you feel like you absolutely must reach out to him to find out why he is ignoring you, or what happened, or even to just maintain contact, it is not suggested. 

If you are going to do it anyway, then at least have a really good reason to reach out to him. It should be less about your interest in him and more about something else that you want to know. 

For example, if you need help with something that he has a specialized knowledge in.

If you need an introduction to someone that he has a connection to. Whatever it is, make sure that it's relevant and somewhat important. If you're reaching out to him and he senses that you're just trying to make something up just to contact him, you're putting yourself in a bad position. 

So, make sure that you can actually come up with a real reason to contact him if you absolutely must. That's the only way to do it. If you're just following up with him because you're thinking of him and he knows that, it's going to make you appear desperate. Do not do that!

Run Through the Points Again...


Let's run through these five points again. 

  • Number one, if he doesn't value you, it's important to act like the woman you value most and move along. You can't spend any time with him. You have to focus your energy on being the woman that you value. She would never waste a second thinking about this kind of guy. 
  • Number two is if you did something a little crazy or he just thinks you're crazy. The best thing to do is give it some time. Focus on the opposite character trait that you displayed. The more time that passes and or that you're acting in in the new way the better chance you have of reconnecting in the future. 
  • Number three, if he's intimidated by you, goodbye power of polarity. If he's not a good fit, if he's intimidated by your light, let him go. But always ask yourself the question - is there a little bit of truth in the intimidation? Is there any part of me that I can be a little more gentle or soft or listen more? It's not about diminishing your light as much as it is being considerate of others. If you're getting the feedback that you're dominant and intimidating there may be an opportunity for you to learn and grow in your communication and energy. 
  • Number four, if he's got a lot of life going on, let him go gently with kindness. No need to point out that he's not committing. We know he's not committing. Just let him go. 
  • Number five, if you have to ping him, you absolutely must make sure you've got a great reason for it. 


If you apply these strategies and keep them in mind, I promise you you're going to position yourself as a higher value woman. It's so much more respectful because you're protecting and valuing your time. You matter. 

Do Men Send You Mixed Signals?

Are they interested one day and then gone the next?

If you’d like to learn more about how to read a man’s emotions, check out my free presentation called “Inside the Male Mind”. You’ll learn a lot about what it takes to get inside a man’s head. Click here to learn more.


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