Never Say These 3 Things to a Guy

February 5, 2020

Sometimes women (and men) say things that cut deep and negatively affect the other person… 

Now, I know this could be unintentional. Maybe you don’t realize saying something could hurt this big, strong guy. 

But you need to be careful because saying certain things can actually flip the switch OFF on his attraction for you. 

So, let’s jump right into the three things you should never say to a guy. 

1. “Ew. Gross.” 

This one is in reference to sex. Men and women alike can feel a lot of shame surrounding sex. If you’ve been dating a guy for a bit and started sleeping together regularly, he’s going to feel safe with you and may start to open up about his fantasies. 

Sometimes he’s been hiding these sexual secrets in the back of his mind for years but never dared to share them with anyone. If he comes to you exposing his fantasy, hoping you can fulfill it together, and you shut him down, he’s going to feel embarrassed and ashamed. 

Now, I want to be clear here: you should never do something with him that makes you uncomfortable. But there’s a difference between being uninterested and being judgmental. 

If he confides in you and you make a disgusted face or tell him he’s gross for even thinking of that, he’s instantly going to feel weird and have a hard time sharing any of his secret desires with you in the future. 

One of the best ways to make him feel safe with you and strengthen your emotional and sexual connection is to remove shame from the bedroom talk. 

Open communication is key for any relationship to succeed. You should be able to have conversations with your partner about what gets you excited and what you’re not interested in. If he comes to you with an idea, and you’re not a fan of it, get creative. See if you can find a solution that both of you are interested in. 

The key here is to be able to trust one another and make sure you’re both satisfied. By avoiding shameful comments when it comes to sex, your communication will grow even stronger and you’ll feel more connected than ever. You’ll even help ease his fears about long-term commitment because he’ll realize you’re different than other women. You don’t judge him. You listen to him, get creative, and make both of your wildest fantasies come alive together. Now that is the kind of woman he can imagine spending a lifetime with. 

2. “How many people have you slept with?” 

If you ask this question...stop. Seriously...stop right now.

There is absolutely no reason you should be asking your partner about how many people he’s slept with. 

I understand the allure of wanting to know all about his past. Maybe you even have the urge to compare it with your own or to social media stalk other women he’s been with. But keeping this topic locked up is for the best because knowing about his past partners isn’t going to benefit you in any way.

And I promise you: no high-quality guy is going to want to hear about the guys you’ve slept with either. Bottom line is - it’s just not classy. I can’t imagine any high-value woman being willing to talk to her boyfriend about it. Not because she’s trying to keep it a secret but because it’s irrelevant and none of his business.

If this starts happening, it’s going to be a problem. You want his mind to be focused on you...not on replaying your past sexual experiences with other guys.

As famous author, Rudyard Kipling once said, “Don’t look backwards or else you’ll fall down the stairs.” Relationships naturally come with ups and downs. But you don’t want to be creating uncomfortable moments just cause. 

Personally, this was never a discussion I’ve had with any women I’ve been with. If you get to know your partner, these things eventually become apparent without directly talking about it.

3. “Are you going to take care of that?” (While pointing to the bill) 

Studies show that one in four women expect men to pay for dinner on their first date. And while I happen to appreciate chivalry and believe that men should pay on the first date, I would never recommend that you act like you expect him to pay.

Now, most men are already expecting to cover the first date. But if the woman never offers to contribute or pushes the bill over to his side, it can seem like she values a man’s money more than she values his time.

When I was dating Kathy (who is now my wife), I paid for our first and second date. But she paid for drinks after the second date and the meal on our third date. I was very against it but she insisted. 

And you know how that made me feel?  It made me feel like she was choosing to invest in me and our relationship. It felt like she had skin in the game. It felt like she cared. I didn’t want her to pay and maybe I shouldn’t have even let her.

But it showed me that she liked me, cared about me and valued the time we spent together.  She wanted to reciprocate my kindness. You don’t want him to think that the only way to pay him back is through sleeping together. This can lead to a shallow relationship where he feels more like a sugar daddy and has expectations of hooking up when he wants.

Now, if you go out with a guy and he wants you to split the bill? If you value chivalry, then it’s an obvious mismatch.  

So, when the bill comes to the table, it’s OK to leave it there and let him take it. You don’t have to make a first move for the bill. But when he does take it, you can always smile and thank him for paying. Then you can take the time to let him know that you enjoyed getting to know him.  That lets him know that you appreciated more than just the free meal.

And if you go on several dates, it’s nice to offer to contribute sometimes. It sends a powerful message to the man that you believe in him and would like to invest in getting to know him more.

In Conclusion 

Now that you’ve learned the three things to never say to a guy, you can be sure to avoid killing his attraction for you early on.

This is so important because understanding the male mind is the single-biggest advantage you can have to attract a quality guy. 

In fact, that's why I spent 6 months privately interviewing dozens of high-quality men about attraction, commitment, and relationships. And then turned their answers into a step-by-step training program. 

If you want to learn more about that, click here to learn more. But if you're interested, check it out soon, because there's only 250 spots available.

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