How to Test a Man's Emotional Maturity

December 22, 2021

Have you ever dated a guy and then all of a sudden, three months in, you realize that he's a man-boy?

What happened in those first 90 days? Why didn't you see that he actually wasn't emotionally mature?

Well, a lot of times it can be challenging to figure out where a man’s at in this area.

Today I'm gonna talk about how you can assess a man's emotional maturity before you waste a lot of time and invest months into a relationship.

Look for a pattern in how he's dealt with challenges in his life.

Looking at how a guy has dealt with adversity is one of the best ways to determine if he accepts personal responsibility or if he is just victimized by circumstance or blames circumstance, or just makes very poor choices and doesn't accept that.

Examining how a man views his past successes and his past failures and watching how he deals with his current day-to-day challenges is one of the best indicators to gauge a man's emotional maturity. Is he responsible?

Does he take accountability or not?

That's a really simple yet powerful question, because if he doesn't accept personal responsibility, that's a really great indicator of things to come. That means when challenges arise in your situation and your relationship with him, who's at fault? Is he going to take his own personal accountability and look for solutions and ways of moving forward? Or is he just gonna be victimized by circumstance?

Is he responsible or is he a victim or a blamer? These are really great things to look at.

Look at his relationship with his friends and family.

Does he have relationships that have lasted for more than a few months with people close to him, whether it's friends or family or coworkers? What is the quality of those relationships? Does he see people frequently and on an ongoing basis or does he only have friends that he sees once a year?

In exploring his relationships you're looking for relationship challenges he had with friends or family or coworkers. And you're going to discover whether he accepting personal responsibility and accountability for his side of the relationship...Or if he is a victim to other people or a blamer of other people? You see a pattern here?

This again is one of the greatest perspectives for emotional maturity. Is he someone that has self-awareness on what he contributes and how he contributes to relationships, or is he just a victim or a blamer of circumstance? This will help you see if he has spent any time looking inward and improving himself, or is just focused on external factors.


See if he has clear and defined values.

A lot of people will say that they value a lot of things, but it's just not true. The real indicator of whether we value something or not  is what we spend our time on.

We can say we value our friends, but if we only see them once in a while and talk to them once in a while, well, we don't value them. Period. What we truly value is what we spend our time on. It's the best indicator or else you can say you value everything, but we can't. We have a limited amount of time. So we have a limited amount of things or people that we can value in our life.

So just by watching (don't even listen to what he claims to value!) you can see what he values. Watch how he is and how he acts and what he invests his time in, because that is the best indicator of what he values.

And here's what you look for to understand if he's truly emotionally mature: is he aware of what he really values or not? Does what he says he values match what he actually values ? That's all self-awareness.. our own internal, emotional maturity, of knowing and understanding ourselves.

If you look for these three questions, you can determine much more quickly if a man is mature and compatible rather than waiting months to find these things out and having invested a lot of time and energy.

I have faith that if you go through these three strategies, you can find a great guy quickly and easily without all of the emotional investment.

Need more help? 

And if you want to be coached through your specific situation, so you can find out more quickly if you're compatible or how to attract the great guy in your life... I'd love to invite you to check out this presentation I made on Inside The Male Mind, which is my coaching community, where we talk about the commitment process that a man needs to go through before devoting his life to a woman.

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