Have you been getting ignored? It is never a good feeling, and you shouldn’t feel like it is because of something you did.
There are actually three specific situations that help you realize that it is not you, but it is actually them. However, remember, there is no one cookie-cutter solution, so keep this in mind. You might have to mold it a little to make it work specifically for you.
Let's dive into some tips on how to make him chase you depending on the situation.
If you want to know how to make him chase you, the plan will change depending on how long you've been together.
This scenario or situation is when you haven't started dating yet.
Maybe there's just been some light flirtation, maybe you've spoken a couple of times over the phone or in person. Whatever it is, there's definitely interest but you haven't gotten to that committed stage yet.
How do you deal with him ignoring you or blowing you off?
Things seemed to be going well and escalating overall. Then, all of a sudden, he vanishes into thin air or just doesn't seem very interested anymore. What then?
It's really counterintuitive because at this point you're thinking, "well what did I do and what can I do? How do I fix this?"
Unfortunately, that mindset is actually the opposite of what is going to help you. This isn’t going to serve you best at this point.
Who do you feel is the highest value woman in the world? It should be someone you look up to and respect.
How would she respond if a man started ignoring her? She would probably go about her day and not spend or waste time on someone who's not investing in her. If a guy that you're just starting to talk to isn't interested in continuing the conversation, this should be a turn-off. Why are you then going to go and try to attract this guy?
Some women will say, "you don't really understand my situation. He's a great guy, he's just really busy.” She might give this reason or that reason. It doesn't matter. He may not be a bad guy. Every situation is unique, for sure.
However, the principle remains the same...
Someone is not giving you what you deserve in a relationship and you are still trying to attract this person. Whether it is this one person or a person of that type.
Therefore, you're putting them on a pedestal. You're somehow valuing them more than you value yourself. It shouldn't be attractive to you and make you want to pursue a man when he's not pursuing you.
What if you can't pursue him? You can't get him to notice or be attracted to you? What do you actually do about this?
If you want him to chase you, you'll have to become more attractive to him. Don't worry, I don't mean with looks.
There is a framework or strategy that can be used to become more attractive to him. Even though this is not what you're actually going for, it is something that will happen naturally. Most importantly, it will put you in the best position to meet a guy who is genuinely interested.
It is mostly about being in your own space. A space in your life where you are grateful, appreciative, and living your very own glorious life without the man in it.
You don’t need him. You might want him. But need is something you can do without.
This is key - because it is going to be the number one thing that attracts a great man to you.
There are two trains. One is going to this really sad, gloomy town. The other is going to glory town. Which train are you going to want to ride on?
Imagine that you were traveling or living in the glory direction. You are in a bright, sunny town already. You got there without the man, and you can stay there without the man. This is what is going to attract him to you.
If you are feeling down, sad, or rejected then focus on how you can make yourself better. How you can do better for yourself.
Call a friend or family member, take a bath, make a gratitude list, clean your bedroom, do something you've been putting off, or been wanting to do. Eat healthier, exercise, whatever you want to do that will make you feel better - do it! Do it for you.
You want to put yourself back on that train to glory town. Re-shift your situation, thoughts, focus, and any sadness that you have to change your situation.
Consider the E in men.
This is when you Envision your ideal match. You need to get clarity on what type of man would best serve you and vice versa. Sometimes we need to get outside of our self-centered desires of what we think. What we want is not always what we need.
Envision the type of man you want to be with when you're both 90 years old. You want to look back and say, "wow, you know the years that we've spent together up until this point have been amazing because you're this type of person."
Think about what type of character traits they would have. What kinds of values they have. This goes much deeper than just his looks. It goes deeper than what he is, but who he is.
You'll realize that some of the things that we want and that are important to us today might not be that important when we're in our 90's.
Then, you can start to network! Get out there and meet more people. Try to meet more quality men. The more that you can focus on getting more exposure to different types of men, the less that you will be dependent on those men who might not be worth your time.
That guy who hasn't called back or is moving away is not going to matter to you anymore. You're focusing on meeting other men and living your own glorious life. Once this is done, he is going to be more attracted to you than ever before.
This is not your priority, though. It is just a reaction.
You may have gone on a few dates. You might have even hooked up. It could have been a month or so of good times.
Then, all of a sudden, he pulls away and stops talking to you. He doesn't call, text, or even answer any of yours. There might not even be the same chemistry that was there in the beginning. It becomes weird and awkward.
When this happens, you're probably wondering what you did.
Now is not the time to really inspect what happened or even blame it on yourself. The only thing this will do is make you go crazy because you cannot blame yourself. You cannot keep asking yourself what you did to screw this up.
Your instinct might be to call him and ask what happened. You might feel like you both need to have a talk because of it. You want answers. You feel like you need answers.
This is not the time to have a talk in the relationship. It is new, you shouldn't have to have 'a talk' yet. He has not earned the opportunity to have a talk until you've been dating longer.
If you have gotten to this point, then he is probably not really that into you and it's okay.
This is a good thing. It is something that shows you it might be best to walk away earlier.
If it is a new relationship and he’s already doing this, then he has no incentive, to be honest with you. So, even if you asked him what was up, what are the chances he is going to actually tell you the truth? What is the reason for even extending this conversation? Why even ask the question in the first place?
You should not put any effort, energy, or investment into him if it ends up like this. Why even give this guy the time of day and emotional investment into trying to work through this?
You just started dating. This should be unattractive to you. A real man, in the beginning, is going to pursue you. Not you to him. He's going to reciprocate. He's going to be on his best behavior. He should want you to want him.
If the person is playing games, there is no reason to invest any energy or time into them. They will not reciprocate these feelings, which is going to end up bad for you. Don't waste any time on it.
In fact, do the opposite.
Again, think about the woman that you admire most in the world. What would she do? She would have a red velvet rope in front of her. What would that look like to have a red velvet rope saying my life is valuable and I'm not going to fill it with people that aren't worth my time?
Look at really high-value people. They don't waste or invest time in people that are not important to them. They don’t give to people who don’t give something in return.
Time is so valuable. It's the one thing that when we invest in it, we never get it back. You don't need to be wasting time.
A story from someone who had experienced something like this as a man.
“I went out with a woman in the past. We had been friends for a while and I remember going out with her and it was the worst experience ever...
It was like we had been flirting for so long and then I went out with her and she completely ignored me on the date.
She flirted with all these other guys the whole time. I don't know what happened, I really don’t. I still to this day don't know. I didn't have a conversation with her about it.
I don't know if she was mad at me. I don't know if I did something wrong. I don't know if I smelled bad.
I don't know, but all I know is I took her out on a date and I was really excited. I really liked her and all she did was flirt with other guys. I was so devastated. I didn't pursue her. I didn't try to make it work when I saw her because she was friends with my roommate.
I didn't try to go out of my way to engage with her. I totally put up the red velvet rope even though I didn't want to. I went about my own life. I ended up meeting the woman who's now my wife, Kathy.
I remember it was one of our earlier dates. I took Kathy to go to a party that my friend was having. The one that's friends with this girl and we got there and she was there.
This girl that totally blew me off was there and I was so excited about my wife I wasn't trying to make her jealous. I wasn't even thinking about her. I just remember her seeing me and coming over to me and being so inappropriate in front of Kathy.
She was really trying to flirt with me hardcore and I remember thinking myself, this is just how it works. I move on with my life and all of a sudden now she likes me.
I remember thinking wow, I was so upset in the moment but I'm so glad it was such a blessing that I did not stay with this woman because look at how she treated me.
She was really inappropriate on that date and now she's being really inappropriate in front of Kathy who I brought to this party.
I didn't deserve to be treated that way and I didn't want to be with an inappropriate woman, so I'm so glad that it ended up happening that way.”
The bottom line is a committed man would not play games and would not act that way.
You're in a committed relationship with someone and they're not giving you what you need. They're starting to pull away and distance themselves in the relationship.
They treat you in a way that is not how they treated you at the beginning of the relationship. What do you do?
This is actually quite a different situation than the first two because he has a history. If you are in a relationship with this man then he must have a history of treating you well, of being caring, considerate and aligning with the things that you care about.
The first question that I would encourage you to ask yourself instead of or as an alternative to blaming him is, "what I am asking for from him is what I want is that legitimate? Is it healthy? Or am I placing expectations beyond his reach on him?"
There's actually a theory of relationship connection called attachment theory. It’s based on how we formed attachments from our childhood. There are three different types of attachment styles:
A secure attached person will be able to deeply connect and be intimate with their partner. They will also be able to be disconnected from their partner. Which means that they are not at that same level of connectedness and still feel safe. They still feel like the connection is solid.
If there's an avoidant personality in the relationship, there is too much closeness and too much intimacy. The connection they may feel is a little bit smothered or a little bit too much. They might feel like they need space.
They need to avoid and go and get some alone time. It's too much for them.
Anxious attachment partners really really need that deep fulfilling intense passionate connection and oftentimes they get that.
They're really good at getting that in the beginning but then if that becomes too much because, quite frankly, it's not sustainable and their partner starts to pull away a little bit.
This might be a healthy thing but the anxious person feels like that connection is slipping and if they don't have that connection that the relationship is doomed.
You're able to reach books on this but it is also encouraged that you talk with some friends. Share with them what has been happening in your relationship.
Try to be as objective as you possibly can be. Go to people who you respect. Find out what their perspective and opinions are. Hopefully, this person will be really honest with you, brutally honest with you.
This is just something to consider before you launch into an accusation or drama with your partner.
Now if you're sure that this is something that's important to you that you need and that you're not asking for too much, you're encouraged as a next step to talk to your partner. This is not something that should be ignored if you're looking for a lifelong committed relationship.
There should be no fear of being able to speak openly with your partner. Wouldn't you want to be with someone who wants to know how you're feeling and how you're doing in the relationship?
They should want to be able to give you what you want. A relationship only works when two people are working at it and want the other person to be happy and feel fulfilled.
If he is going to be polarizing and so upset that he's unwilling to do it then you really need to ask yourself if this is the kind of partner you're meant to be with. If he is actually willing to have the conversation, then this is good.
Make sure you never start a conversation on the offensive. When you start accusing another person of doing certain things and criticizing them, it creates an immediate defensiveness.
On top of that, regardless of your own expectations and boundaries, you can't force anyone to do anything. This is why it is good to get into the habit of using 'I statements.'
It is very difficult to argue with someone if they use a lot of accusing, 'you statements' because they are criticizing you the entire time. It automatically makes you defensive.
However, if you come to someone and state, "I experienced this, or I feel this way" then it is easier for them to sit, listen, and actually find a way to make you feel better. Usually, it is miscommunication, and taking the time to sit down and listen to one another can go a long way. No arguments, no judgments, just open communication.
‘I statements’ are compassionate. You are able to better state your needs and get further in the conversation. You're helping your partner better understand your needs.
Ultimately if your partner doesn't have the desire or willingness to try to change or to try to meet your needs, then what are you doing? What are you getting out of a relationship when you're in a relationship with someone who's not willing or doesn't have the desire to give you what you need?
You deserve someone who cares for you and who wants to give you everything that you need. We are the ones that place ourselves in a position to be heard. We are the only ones who can change this.
If we are staying with someone who refuses to reciprocate in a relationship or refuses to acknowledge their side of it, we can only do so much. Break the cycle that has you stuck doing the same thing.
Focus on accepting responsibility to bring as much love and gratitude and giving into the relationship as you can. Do this, even if they're not modeling that behavior themselves. If you can go through a spurt of consistent giving and love, it is a great way to change the dynamic in a relationship.
Lead by example rather than pointing and blaming and hoping that they will change. It's that saying to be the change that you want in the relationship.
Are they interested one day and then gone the next?
If you’d like to learn more about how to read a man’s emotions, check out my free presentation called “Inside the Male Mind”. You’ll learn a lot about what it takes to get inside a man’s head. Click here to learn more.
Thanks for checking out my article on how to make him chase you! Be welll.