You might have gone out on a first date, maybe even a second and you were really starting to get to know each other. You feel comfortable with him. You might even really like him.
Then, all of a sudden, you stop hearing from him. He hasn't texted in 3 days or more and you're wondering - is that it?
Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more common these days.
If he stops responding to your texts, you might be confused. You might think he is just busy.
It might pass a day or so, and you’re still thinking he has something going on. You then start to wonder why when time continues to tick by.
Your fear and anxiety and frustration come into play at this point.
You start asking yourself what did I do? What happened? What should I do?
Do you know what to do when this happens? Do you know how to get him to respond when he doesn’t text you back? Well if he hasn't texted in 3 days or more... here is exactly what you should do.
You might sit in fear or anger when this happens. You might start questioning or doubting the relationship and you might even let this take a hit to your self-esteem.
Don't let fear ruin your attitude towards dating!
Sitting in fear means you are sitting in your insecurities. You are wondering what you did wrong. You want to know why he stopped talking to you. Did you say or do something? What can you do?
This thought process is the vicious cycle that keeps you hanging on. You will continue to beat yourself up or try to figure out just the right text to send him.
You might even be thinking about the right approach to be attractive.
Having him not respond back to you is manipulative and controlling.
It is a game he is playing, and you don't deserve that. You deserve so much more. You shouldn’t be in this situation where you're trying to play games.
When you're coming from a place of fear, it's typically because you think that maybe there's something you did wrong or you're unattractive. You might think there will never be another guy into you again.
This thought process alone is not attractive.
Here's the bigger problem...
If a man isn't responding to you, that in and of itself should be unattractive.
That should be below your standard.
You deserve a man who is consistent with his communication.
People, both men and women are on their best behaviour in the beginning of a relationship. What does this tell you?
If he's hasn't texted in 3 days or more, or following up with you regularly in the very beginning, this is a forecast into the future. Is this a future you want to have?
It might mean he is not into you, or that he doesn't want something long-term. It might mean he is busy, or just is not into talking so much.
Take a second to say to yourself, "what would the woman I value most do? How would she respond to this?"
To be honest, she would probably have moved on by now.
You’ve decided to move on and that he is not the right man. Good for you.
Usually, this comes with some sort of anger and resentment. Why would he do this?
Why would he tell me he wants to go out again, and then not even respond back? It doesn't make any sense.
What's wrong with these guys?
This is a typical response from a lot of women. If they don’t hear back from him, they might even send a message letting him know how she feels.
She might dump him over the message.
He might even follow up with her. He’ll give some lame excuse, or one that doesn’t make any sense. The woman might even tell him she is not interested after this.
This might actually be a really, really bad idea. Here's why...
That's the key here.
Why would you want to tell him this? To teach him a lesson? To make yourself feel better? To vent and get it out?
Unfortunately, neither one of those things is going to be helpful.
I don't think I've ever met a man who has learned his lesson from a woman telling him that he hurt her feelings.
Listen, if a guy doesn't respond to a woman, he knows it's not the right thing. He might be lacking empathy or even emotion if he doesn't care or realize what he is doing.
Telling him is not going to make him care. It won't fix the situation, and it might not even make you feel better.
At the end of the day, anger is like swallowing a poison pill and hoping the other person gets hurt by it. It's not helpful to you, it's definitely not helpful to them.
A really attractive woman was dating a guy. They went on a few dates. It went well for them both. He ended up responding here and there, slowly falling off. He one day became completely unresponsive.
There was a little bit of resentment on her end, like what's going on? Why can't this guy just be honest with me?
One or two years passed by, and she was on a dating site when the same guy contacted her again. They started talking.
She wanted to tell him he was a jerk the last time they talked and that she doesn't want to see him, or worse, maybe she should just blow him off, like he did to her.
She should have standards, but there is no benefit for her to treat him the same way or even tell him any of that.
She decided to keep her standards high, play it by ear, and give him the benefit of the doubt. He really has to prove to her that he's into it for real now. He really has to step up his game and show that things are different.
As it turns out, his grandmother, who he was very, very close with, had passed away.
This happened right around the time that they were first speaking.
There was a series of family events he went to after that, and he basically stopped dating. This is why he just fell off.
He was focusing on his family.
Around a year later, the two of them ended up getting married. She was grateful she didn’t do or say what she was going to before.
She gave him compassion, listened, and kept her standards high while making sure that he followed up with everything he said he was going too.
After reading the story above, you should always lead with compassion.
There's no reason to burn a bridge or to try to admonish or hurt someone, there's just no benefit to you. It's not going to help them, and it's not going to help you.
Move on with compassion, and always lead with that. No need to 'teach them a lesson.' If they come back and ask you why you're not interested in going out again just let them know that you felt it wasn't a great fit.
You can even tell them you appreciate them taking you out before, and it was really nice. Just leave it at that. Compassionate, simple, nice.
You don't owe them an explanation. You don't need to be their teacher. You don't need to be their dating coach. Detach with compassion and move onto something else.
Focus on yourself to make sure you are moving forward.
Not sitting in sadness or fear, or having negative self thoughts during this time. Just focus on taking the next right action for yourself, no one else.
If you find yourself moving into fear or negative self thought, a feeling of lack that makes you think you're never going to meet someone, change your mindset.
At that moment when you find yourself afraid or struggling, pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "who is someone that I can help or serve at this moment?
How can I be most helpful? How can I be more giving?
Turn your attention to another person and take action.
That is the fastest way to move you through your own fear and into a feeling of gratitude, confidence and connection.
You might give to yourself. You might be the one in need. Or it might mean sending another message to someone you want to date, or you're interested in.
It might mean getting out of bed, taking a shower, cleaning your room, or even just calling a family member or sending a gift.
Whatever you feel the right action is, just taking that pause and doing it can transform those negative thoughts into positive ones. This can be your indicator that helps you move into action to make sure that you're doing the right thing.
It is a very helpful tool to have. If you do it consistently, your level of self-confidence will come beaming out of you.
You will be taking the actions which allow you to connect with more people, to get out there and to date with more exuberant, positive energy, and ultimately, to be the most attractive version of yourself.
Are they interested one day and then gone the next?
If you’d like to learn more about how to read a man’s emotions, check out my free presentation called “Inside the Male Mind”. You’ll learn a lot about what it takes to get inside a man’s head. Click here to learn more.